If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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