I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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