I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
