I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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