I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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