he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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