he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
