She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Buhtt sex?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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