Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
