this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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