This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
