My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I have post one night stand depression
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
