i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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