You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
