Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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