went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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