i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
