And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
