I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
