Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
