She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
