That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
