"it" just moved
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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