My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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