guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
