Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
