whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize