remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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