I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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