Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
