I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
