I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
