Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
