My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There r osticjed everywhere
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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