U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
