in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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