I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
