On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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