I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
