i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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