people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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