I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
