Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
