omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
