I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
