it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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