it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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