you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
