you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
