Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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