I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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