The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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