Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize