Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
