Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
