This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
