On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
