She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
