I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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