We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
