I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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