...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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