Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
