Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
