it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You smell like stripper and shame
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
