Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We are all done wearing pants today
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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