and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
