Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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