My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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