I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
