it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
