Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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