he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
