i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
