When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
