i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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