if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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