We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
