She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
