Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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