From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
