Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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