this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
