ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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