it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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