I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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