you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
