I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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