THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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