Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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