well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
