Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize