I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
