it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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