well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
