when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
North Korea, Best Korea!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
