i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
