apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize