i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
