i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
