whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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