I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
