Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
