I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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