I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
