in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
